The Measure of a Man (Reflections on Father’s Day)

Written By Jadon Ward
Evergreen Counselling Group, Kelowna Counselling, Vernon Counselling; Online Counselling, Kelowna, Vernon, Okanagan, Father's Day, Fatherhood, Manhood

There are certain moments in life that make us step back. To take time and a pause from our chaotic lives - not something that is regularly promoted in our busy culture. (The fact that in high school I was taught more about trigonometry than setting relational boundaries still baffles me!) The birth of my daughter a few weeks ago was one of those moments of reflection.

Growing up, I had a certain idea of what “being a man” looked like. I don’t believe my conception of masculinity was ever toxic, or demeaning to the opposite sex, but it carried with it a heavy load. A man was to be physically fit, a fearless leader, decisive in their actions and incapable of making a wrong decision.

I do believe this version of manhood was positive - to an extent. It gave me a vision to aspire to, something to reach for. There was something better to sacrifice for above and beyond the instantly gratification of video games, pornography and laziness that threatened to seduce me and my peers.

My vision of manhood drastically changed when I met and married my wife. I learned quickly how scary it was to have your actions affect another. Quickly it was made clear the incredible burden of decision-making, and that I was indeed quite fallible in this regard. Thankfully, though, I also found out I would not be making those choices without the input and support of my partner.  

Still too, manhood changed for me with the birth of my son. During complications at his birth, I learned that I was not as decisive in danger as I would like to be (and I’m very grateful to the medical professionals who are!). I also learned that being a man meant long nights - and more tears than I ever saw in the movies! Finally, I discovered that metabolism slows with age, and that putting family first means downgrading workout routines. While physical fitness is still important, my ideal in this area has moved from “god bod” to “dad bod.”

Which brings me to reflection at the birth of my daughter a few weeks ago. Holding her, I was struck again by how my conception of manhood has changed. I’m not any of the things that I once aspired towards. At the same time though, I feel I am exactly the person the people in my life need. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.

This Father’s Day, I want to celebrate all expressions of masculinity. Whatever your relational status looks like, you are impacting and supporting those people around you whom you love. And that, I think, is the true measure of a man.

Jadon Ward, MA, MA, RCC, CCC

Jadon Ward is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Evergreen Counselling Group. He specializes in working with counselling participants to create a collaborate atmosphere conducive to change. He enjoys working with youth and young adults who are experiencing pressures that come with balancing school and life. He has a wonderful wife in Sarah, and has a passion for working with couples and marriages so they are places of care and strength.

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Evergreen Counselling Group is proud to serve the communities of Kelowna, Vernon, West Kelowna, Lake Country, Armstrong, and the rest of the North Okanagan and Central Okanagan Regional Districts. “We acknowledge that our business is located on the traditional, ancestral, unseeded territory of the Syilx/Okanagan people.”

Jadon Ward
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